I'd Like/Prefer: Expressing Your 'Selfness.'
May. 03, 2019 02:48 PM Filed in: Intimacy | Assertive communication
There are many ways to express oneself. Like everyone, you and your partner experience both helpful and unhelpful communication patterns with each other. While no single communication method is foolproof (because people and situations change), you can increase the potential for effective communication of your perspective with one simple rule.
When communicating your perspective (what I call your selfness) on nearly anything (and there are exceptions to this rule) consider saying, “I’d like . . .” or “I’d prefer . . .”. “I’d like Italian food tonight.” “I’d like us to put $50 in savings every month.” “I’d prefer we have only one child until we are able to afford two.” While expressing yourself in this way is no guarantee of a productive conversation, it increases the potential for your perspective to be acknowledged and appreciated. Thinking and speaking this way also has the benefit of encouraging you to ask yourself, “What are my preferences?” Many of us were never encouraged to ask ourselves this question as children but you are entitled to your perspective no matter anyone else’s opinion. ~Doug
When communicating your perspective (what I call your selfness) on nearly anything (and there are exceptions to this rule) consider saying, “I’d like . . .” or “I’d prefer . . .”. “I’d like Italian food tonight.” “I’d like us to put $50 in savings every month.” “I’d prefer we have only one child until we are able to afford two.” While expressing yourself in this way is no guarantee of a productive conversation, it increases the potential for your perspective to be acknowledged and appreciated. Thinking and speaking this way also has the benefit of encouraging you to ask yourself, “What are my preferences?” Many of us were never encouraged to ask ourselves this question as children but you are entitled to your perspective no matter anyone else’s opinion. ~Doug