The
Foundation: Couples Marriage Counseling Portland
Oregon
Relationship acts
like a mirror reflecting our lives back to us. We
experience both our joys and our fears. Relationship also
provides opportunities for emotional development in ways we
might not experience individually. As social animals we
desire closeness, understanding and nurturance. Inevitably,
however, our partner disappoints us and it can feel like he
or she is withholding what we need. We want her or him to
"fill us up", so to speak.
What if you could fill-up yourself? This would mean you
could nurture yourself when your relationship feels
stressful. I teach couples about differentiation, the
ability to stay with yourself ('hold onto yourself') within
the shifting tensions of your relationship. At its
foundation, differentiation is about taking responsibility
for who you are and for what you feel. It also means
learning how to soothe your own hurt feelings.
It takes courage to maintain emotional presence in
relationship. Remaining present means we relate with the
pleasure and with the pain in our relationships. In so
doing we cultivate intimacy with ourselves. This requires
us to be honest with ourselves about our fears, intentions
and desires. When we are able to differentiate from our
partner we can own and soothe our own hurt feelings,
frustrations and fears when there's disagreement. Soothing
yourself includes cultivating self-compassion. And, when we
can compassionately soothe ourselves we also cultivate
compassion for our partner.
For more information on couples marriage counseling
Portland Oregon with Douglas Johns, LCSW please call with
any questions you have at 503-252-3739.
